Hey, I'm so sorry you've had to witness so much death. I agree with Buttons. that the fact you are still here means something to someone, even if it isn't you right now. I'm certainly glad that you're alive. Because of the way the justice system works, it focuses on efficiency and economy. It doesn't always deal with the emotional aftermath of such a catastrophic event. You know in your heart, that your friends were not at fault for their accident, and that they will always mean the World to you. It may not be that way on paper, but in your mind and heart you can always know how special they were and will continue to be to you.
Suicide is a scary concept, but sometimes it can feel like a better option than living. But as has already been mentioned by a previous poster, it's a permanent solution to a temporary problem. It might feel like the very best and only option for you at this moment, but you have no idea how you might feel one year down the line. You mentioned that your closest friend died by suicide, and only you can know how much pain that has brought you. You don't know whether you could be bringing that to other people who also love you. Maybe you're supposed to be the reason that people don't commit suicide, because you know how much you wish your friend didn't go down that same path.
Do you have anyone you know that you can talk to about all of this? Grief is a very natural emotion, and it's understandable that you are feeling upset about this, but it's about bringing that grief down to an eventually manageable level, which with some support can be achieved.
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