I'm sorry to hear that you have had such a tough time of it, and it is understandable with your grief and other negative thoughts and feelings your mind is desperately searching for a way out, but ultimately suicide is a very permanent solution to a temporary problem, things can better, it just takes time, patience and support. I would say the fact that you were able to be brought back is if anything a sign that you were meant to live.
I hope you are getting some personal and professional support, particularly to help you work through these suicidal thoughts and your grief.
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