UPDATE When I was 8 I was a shy kid I didn't speak much. Every break they were loud while I was sitting alone. Teacher told few times that I'm other than them I am shy and quiet (among all). Then everybody started to call my shy… They were making fun of few people but especially of me cause I was shy. When teacher asked who speaks loud, they ALWAYS focused on me and laughed and everybody knew that wasn’t me but it was funny for them… When we were sitting in locker room or anywhere few guys always focused on me and told “look at him, he doesn’t talk at all” and everyone laughed or “don’t be shy, say “f***”.
When we were with older “cool” guys few of my classmates pointed at me and said “you know that he doesn’t say one word during whole day? Haha” (ofc i did but less than others or “[my name] hey, can you tell us a joke or say something funny? Im just joking I forgot that he can’t talk, haha” Then older guys treated me like a freak and during the break came to me and said embarrassing question “you really never say anything?” whole school laughed at me ;(
Soon Ill be 18 I go to nice school. Now I changed Im definitely shy, just normal guy. The problem is they didn’t change themselves. I don’t want to talk to new friends from this school and go to cinema for example cause Im afraid if I met few “bullies” they would destroy everything and tell stupid things to make fun of me. My family doesn’t know about school problems. Im sad I dont have good memories like my parents. Recently I am thinking whole days thinking about my life, I don't want to do anything. Im depressed I can't study I don't eat I don't enjoy anything. I just wanna cry. I have no hope I don't think its gonna change. Im in the similar point as I was 9 years ago. I lost ambition. All I do is going to school then come to home, thinking about my life, listening to the music and playing computer games. The reason why I don’t wanna commit suicide is my family, my parents, sister. I live for them…
It hurts me the most L that Ive had a reputation of shy, not talkative guy, who everyone laughs at whatever I do/I say so I tried to avoid them to avoid jokes about me. Even teachers remember me this way. They pretended to be shocked when I asked a question during the lesson or I was late to school. “Wow first time I hear he said something 0.o” or “You are late? Wow shouldn’t be late, you are too polite” and everybody laughed as usually _._ I couldn’t make friends because they told: "he is that guy who doesn't speak" they looked at me and laughed hard. There was also one very shy girl in my class and they were often joking that we are couple or asking me how’s your girlfriend? Or when they saw some shy person “hey, he’s like you haha” It was so embarrassing. It hurts me that half of them talk about me whenever they see me and treat like a freak because of few people. I don’t go out.
That’s why I’ve never had myspace/facebook because few guys everytime they see me they laugh at me and tell things like that. I am ALWAYS ridiculed in public. That’s why I have social anxiety. Now I just go to school where nobody knew me before where I don’t have to listen embarrassing things about me, go home and enjoy that at least nobody here laughs at me _._
What am I afraid? Some people know me as a freak who doesn’t talk at all, some as a poor, bullied guy and some make fun of me. Few of them ALWAYS FOCUS ON ME, tell how quiet, not talkative Im and start to humiliate me among all and laugh.
Recently I thought that I must stop it and have normal life. Avoiding them will never solve it. If I wont do anything now they will treat this way even if I will be 30 or older, even whole life…
Recently I finally created account on facebook and invited 70 people (it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, Im serious) but I just hided list of new friends from them. I was thinking about creating this account for few days. When first person accepted I was waiting:will they make fun of me or not? Fortunately they just wrote on my wall “wow I cant believe, whats happened”and it was over. There are few photos on facebook with me and comments “hes the best as usually hehe” but nothing else. Question: What else should I do? 1.Should I invite my family on facebook? Im so afraid of some people because for 9 years they were making fun of me. 2.Should I invite few people from previous school on my 18th birthday party Im a little bit afraid of them? What else should I do?
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