Thank you so so so so much, Laura.
And no, you've not misunderstood.
Your words and ideas have led me to understand a bit more... I think part of the problem for me is that there's become a kind of a gap between my awareness and some of the younger 'dysfunctional' behaviours [not dysfunctional for a traumatised child, but dysfunctional for an adult trying to find her place in the world, relating with people..]. The gap is what I've been led to become aware of, and so there's a hope of it becoming less of a chasm, and my awareness extending to meet it. No one wanted this child around, and so it makes sense that she'd reproduce those behaviours/attitudes in present relating, or, attempts to relate.
Part of me is shaken up every time I see that I'm 'in bits' in that way. "I'm not supposed to be in bits, I wasn't severely abused or anything." I worry that some people see me as a fraud. Unfortunately, or fortunately, I'm not.
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