I think that, with this kind of thing, it's a little bit about what you make it? For example, I have been incredibly agitated in places, such as in a shopping centre as I dislike crowds and feared a panic attack. I moved out of the crowds and sat down against the wall or somewhere. People looked at me but it was only for a second whilst they passed and, more often than not, they were too caught up in their own business anyway.
It can be so difficult when you feel jumpy and consumed by the fear that people are going to hurt you but they aren't, I can reassure you of that. Okay, so some people might and I cannot promise that nobody will but I know that the majority of people are stuck thinking about themselves, how they're coming across, what they're going to cook for dinner, whatever. Honestly, I bet quite a few people are more similar to you than you'd think!
I can see why the bullying and the supply teaching would make you feel more edgy. My mum was a supply teacher and she told me a lot about her job, not all of it was a walk in the park. However, what it's important to realise is that these events are somewhat isolated and are in such an environment. The children will be difficult in school because they do not want to be there (as well as other reasons, of course) but are probably not going to hurt a passer-by who has done them no harm. As a teacher you can be seen as threat but not the ordinary citizen.
I suppose it is about separating the past from the present and the present from the future. Just because something has happened before, doesn't mean it needs to happen again or that it will do. The past doesn't set the future in stone, it simply can shape your opinions and your responses and how you think - that's not the future or the present. Maybe the past is what you make of it and you can use this to your advantage, Katie, I know you can and that you'll find a way through this.
Our brain is a funny thing. You can have a million people kind to you but still be hung up on that one person that wasn't. I know that it's not easy but I think it's about re-training your brain not to be so unkind to you and to see the world in a more positive light. You can do this via experiments - that's what I do... and if one doesn't work out, try another one. I see how many people I can get to smile on the way to work or at work. It's a small test but it makes me feel good when someone smiles back or more determined if they don't. Does that make sense? Start small and work upwards.
Take care. You know you can text if you need.
|