[i.am.me]

I feel so sad.

I was doing so well with my recovery. its been two years now. i loved my running and i started to love food!!

but then in one day i managed to completely flip and HATE everything in my fridge and HATE my body. even though i looked in the mirror and thought i looked ok. i miss my bones.

It is so stupid. cause although i missed it before, i was able to control those feelings and push them aside. but now i can't

i am split. i know that i could just carry on my recovery but for the first time in ages i don't want to. its making me so sad. it was so easy when i was happy with me.

yesterday i felt sick, and ill from not eating and i hated it. but food repulsed me. and i remembered how hard it is to be anorexic, at first, and how ill and useless i was when i was ill. I DON'T WANT THAT!!!
why can't I eat :(

i need my motivation back. but just don't care. i feel like a huge swollen whale.

:(