sometimes i regret starting, other times i dont.
like si is something that defines me. its something i carry with me and i think that with my array of knowledge on si and depression and abuse i have been able to be more compassionate with other people who seem to have similar situations (i helped a friend get helped). however, there are many times when i regret having ever started. while i dont do it all the time, at times of high stress and low feelings i only resort to si and am not able to figure out how to cope any other way. i think si has prevented me from feeling and prevented me from connecting with another person.
so its been a curse and a blessing.
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