What are you hoping to achieve by starving in this way? That you say its a hunger strike gives me the sense that you are trying to communicate something to someone? What effect do you want your self-punishment to have? What would you say if you could put all your self-harming actions into words? Who would you say it to? Why do you feel that you are a monster?
.... ever read the story of The Beauty and The Beast?
there's also a nifty book title 'hug the monster'.
It sounds to me that you might need some extra support and tlc right now. Not punishment. But punishment is familiar to you. You need to be reached and understood, I would say.
I, and us at RYL care. I know what it is to feel trapped in so much pain. But there are ways out. It takes time and courage and caring. We can help you through this.
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