I was the same way when I was trying to stop cutting a few years ago. I think it's normal to see self harm as a "security blanket" because it's something that helps you cope and it'll take awhile for you to be able to get to a point in your recovery where you are actually content with how things are going. With me, it helped to hide my tools in other parts of my house/room where it'll be difficult for me to get to and then slowly work towards throwing them away for good. Also, trying to stop buying things that I could hurt myself helped.
I know that all of the things that I said probably doesn't help much, but I really wanted to let you know that you aren't alone in this and that you CAN make it through even though it may take a long time and a lot of work. Take care and stay safe :)
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