[bugg]

So I have realized lately that I havn't really been trying to get better (recovery from SH), I just tell people that im doing better and havnt SH for a while and I just find somewhere else to do it next time..if they ever find out. I realized that I dont NEED it anymore because I do it too often to feel the absoulut needjust the want and the urge. But I dont feel guilty for lying to them about it or when I do it..which worries me and starts to make me feel bad that I dont feel bad for doing it again. I dont understand this, two weeks ago i was trying to do everything in my power to recover and now its like i just gave up and have no reason or motivation to continue to try.
I dont like that im turning back into the monster I was just trying to rid my self of again.
Has this happend to anyone..please i need help or advise or.....something...