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Pennacious · 19-10-2007, 11:11 PM

Daddy-

I am so sorry for telling you that I hated you...that I wanted you to suffer and die, I did not mean it. I was angry Daddy, I was upset because I knew you were in so much pain, and I knew you were dying. I just was fighting to hold onto you Daddy, because I love you more than you could ever truly know.
I know that you did not mean what you said to me too Daddy. I know that I did not cause your cancer like you said I did, and I know that I was not a mistake. I know that you never meant it when you said that you wish that I had never been born. You were just angry like me Daddy.
Daddy, I wish you were here. I wish that I could take back what I said to you, I feel so horrible and discusting that I said it Daddy. Those words I said are still to this day haunting me. I did not want you to die Daddy. I wish you were here back on this earth with me, alive and healthy, and I wish that you never got cancer in the first place. I wish that you and I could hang out and talk like we used to, go to the job sites together and work side by side. I want to hug you Daddy, I want to spend time with you. Not having you around has been so hard on me Daddy. I just feel like a huge piece of me is missing, and I cannot get it back. I do not really remember you healthy Daddy, I only remember you sick and dying, deteriorating right before my eyes. I remember your labored breathing, and the oxygen tank. Our house smelled of sterility. I remember the tubes and wires of all of the equipment, and I remember your cold and clammy body. I do not want these images in my head anymore Daddy, I just miss and love you so much Daddy, and I want us to be together again, and I do not want to wait. I just miss you, I miss you so much my heart breaks...
I love you Daddy!

19-10-2007, 11:11 PM	#95
Pennacious Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Minnesota USA I am currently:	Daddy- I am so sorry for telling you that I hated you...that I wanted you to suffer and die, I did not mean it. I was angry Daddy, I was upset because I knew you were in so much pain, and I knew you were dying. I just was fighting to hold onto you Daddy, because I love you more than you could ever truly know. I know that you did not mean what you said to me too Daddy. I know that I did not cause your cancer like you said I did, and I know that I was not a mistake. I know that you never meant it when you said that you wish that I had never been born. You were just angry like me Daddy. Daddy, I wish you were here. I wish that I could take back what I said to you, I feel so horrible and discusting that I said it Daddy. Those words I said are still to this day haunting me. I did not want you to die Daddy. I wish you were here back on this earth with me, alive and healthy, and I wish that you never got cancer in the first place. I wish that you and I could hang out and talk like we used to, go to the job sites together and work side by side. I want to hug you Daddy, I want to spend time with you. Not having you around has been so hard on me Daddy. I just feel like a huge piece of me is missing, and I cannot get it back. I do not really remember you healthy Daddy, I only remember you sick and dying, deteriorating right before my eyes. I remember your labored breathing, and the oxygen tank. Our house smelled of sterility. I remember the tubes and wires of all of the equipment, and I remember your cold and clammy body. I do not want these images in my head anymore Daddy, I just miss and love you so much Daddy, and I want us to be together again, and I do not want to wait. I just miss you, I miss you so much my heart breaks... I love you Daddy!
	I know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't. How you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside. ~ Girl Interrupted I hurt myself before others get the chance... I hurt myself because others hurt me and I can't stand the pain... To tell the truth, I'm afraid of recovery because it means I have to let go...