Thank you all sooo much for the responses. It is very reassuring to know I'm not the only person who feels like this. I used to see a therapist, but stopped when I turned 18 (I was basically kicked out because I was an adult), but I plan on seeing someone when I go back to school in September since counsellors are free there.
I totally get what your saying about setting limits and letting my friend know, however that's kind of how this situation started. She knows what I deal with and is always hesitant to talk to me, so for a whole year I had no idea that she wasn't doing ok, and then told me that the year before she attempted suicide and I had seen her later that week and had no clue. It absolutely kills me that she felt she couldn't talk to me.
I got over the competitiveness thing pretty quick this time, basically the next morning. I have made it 10 months without self harming and I do not want to give that up, I've been holding on to that.
I just feel so guilty, sad, frustrated, kind of mad and overwhelmed with this whole situation therefore major triggers. Again I'm holding on to that 10 months, almost a year, but it's hard. To top it off I'd normally turn to this friend about how I'm feeling, but I can't not after what she told me. And yes I know I'm being hypocritical because she felt the same thing about me, but ugh I'm just really confused.
I'm really sorry this was so long and kind of ranty, I really needed to get that off my chest.
And seriously thank you for your replies <3
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