I'm so sorry you feel so alone. I feel very alone a lot of the time too and it's a painful and difficult feeling. It's so frustrating when you feel like being less alone would help your mental health problems, but it's those same problems that stop you from reaching out to people.
Being alone is NOT your fault, honestly--if you've struggled to make friends due to illness and anxiety, that isn't your fault at all. These things clip our wings and stop us from getting out much, but that's not our fault, that's a symptom of the problem. I'm sorry you feel so isolated.
It's unlikely that anyone will want to hurt you tomorrow, and I'm pretty sure you will be safe coming back from anywhere. I find it difficult to be out when there are going to be crowds--there was an unexpected festival in a park I walk through today, and it freaked me right out--but while it may be scary I'm sure no one will want to hurt you.
I'm sorry you feel panicked. Having strong feelings is exhausted, so it's no wonder you're tired and spaced out. Try to do soothing things if you can--I like knitting and drawing, but I'm sure you have your own strategies.
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