Thanks you guys. When I talk about it.. I feel awkward. I feel like people don't think it's "that bad". Which is total rubbish. My therapist talks a lot during sessions, sometimes more than me and I don't know how to ask her to stop talking :/ And she, herself, has a lot of allergies, and tick-borne illnesses, so she just seems so frail yet sturdy. I feel her as a person isn't a good fit because I catch myself worrying about her and her health which isn't good for me (not that caring is bad, but with me, I put others first so I eventually end up in a hole because I ignored my own needs). And I have found that I have this intense, intense fear or.. panic when I feel I am being judged. It's kind of a new thing. It's just that I am not supposed to be so critical of myself so now I think everyone is thinking what I think about me. If I just go with my instincts, I'll starve, and suffer, and possibly die. But projecting my thoughts about me onto others isn't good either. I just don't know how to fix this. Either way, it feels like I will have to fight myself.
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