I just keep telling myself that I can do two more years of this. Then It'll be a new country, a new school - university. New people, a new start. I just hope I can hold on for that long. I hate pain, I really, really hate pain, i'm scared of hurting myself in general, yet I do that now almost on a daily basis. And this is the only pain I can take. All I want to do is scream "I'm sorry" but nobody would ever forgive me. I took everything I had for granted and just wasted it all. I'm ashamed and scared and I don't know where to go. I don't know how to tell people, how to make them understand.
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