I saw my therapist today and will see her again thursday. I am not able to email her because we have a no contact in between sessions rule(except for scheduling of course) its complicated and has to do with my attachment and boundry issues.
I feel really bad right now.
I know its really creapy and stalkerish but i found a picture of my old therapist. She didnt use to have one online. I miss her so much soooo much, miss is not a strong enough word. I want to talk to her I want to call her and listen to her voicemessage I want to email her and tell her how I am and remind her about me so she doesnt forget. I know she wont reply but i want to write anyway. We also have a very strict no contact rule. SHe wanted me to have a clean goodbye since I have never really had that. So no contact. I understand why did did it that way but I miss her so babdly.
I feel horrible I want to sleep forever and never wake up. I am disapointed that the research I did on one of my meds showed that ODing on it would likely not do anything except wind me up in the hospital and having my stomach pumped. Not what I want. Being unsucesful is one of the biggest reasons why i dont try. I dont want to deal with what happens if I dont die.
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