I dont think you should mention that you haave been experiencing 'depression' - that is self diagnosing and doctors dont generally like that. In that bullet point say something about the way you feel: i have been experiencing low low moods where i am lethargic and dont have any energy? i have had suicidal thoughts blah blah blah - if you get the drift?
I think the rest is really good :). and you shouldnt be sorry. Welldone for writing it down; it shows that this is serious and you are being honest about the way you are feeling.
Let us know how you get on xxx
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