Feeling mixed up about it is understandable and so is that feeling of not sure if ready to commit. Lets face it, we have found a coping mechanism, so why give that up if it helps? But then if we keep going on with coping this way, then it can get worse, there are risks and it is an unhealthy way to cope, so I guess for that reason you should go. I have parts of me that doesn't want to stop, but like you there is also the worry of things getting worse, so help is important. As for making decisions, I find that hard and I know it is a symptom of my depression. It's not something to blame yourself for. You clearly have a lot on your mind so you are bound to find it difficult. I found myself extremely nervous at the assessment but they are used to it and it's quite natural. I hope you find the strength to go. There is no shame in asking for help. I think it's brave of you to reach out and ask for it.
Most importantly, you are NOT pathetic or a prat! When we feel low these negative thoughts can come flooding in, but they are just thoughts, NOT facts. I have been told this by a psychologist and trying to remind myself of this is something I find incredibly difficult, but it does help.
Take care and if you have any questions feel free to ask.xx
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