The first appointment is an assesment and I know it's terrifying, but please go. It is usually 2 people at the assesment, but if you continue to go there then it is 1. They are used to people finding it difficult to speak and being silent. I still find it hard to talk to them, but they help prompt you. As for knowing how they can help you, yes I found that difficult too. You can tell them what you have said here, or you could write it down. You say you cannot go on like this, so it is really important to go. I can relate to the feeling of being unsure about changing, but being unsure is common and it sounds like there is a part of you wanting to fight this. Stay strong and try your best to attend and listen to the part of you that wants to change. Good luck.x
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