It's not pathetic; your response is a very 'real' response to hearing about a chronic illness. I've been diagnosed with one also and the thought crosses my mind consistently of "is it worth it". I study psychology so I know about the chronicity of schizophrenia. I don't understand the illness like you do - and frankly, I'm sorry you're diagnosed with it because I know it's a difficult condition.
And I know the feeling of not being able to see the end to it all. We may have different conditions, but that sense of hopelessness about the future is stubbornly powerful. But it's fueled by deceptive lies from depression, schizophrenia, about how hopeless things are. Truth is that with support you can go on to manage your life and experience things better than they are now. You may "have it" for life but that doesn't mean you have to be struggling with it for that whole time, the symptoms can be managed. I know it's still tough, I don't want to undermine it, but it doesn't have to be this tough forever.
Do please tell your psychiatrist about your plans. I'm really sending you all the support you need to help you to tell him and be honest, that way you can get the treatment you need.
I know you want things to ease and for a break, but suicide isn't the answer for that. It will take away everything and that includes the chance for things to get better and for good things to come into your life.
Is there anything you can do tonight to give you a mental break? Watch a movie, play a video game (even the RYL Arcade?). It may seem trivial but sometimes in a really dark mood I distract myself and even if only for an hour or two, it's been a break from the reality of how I feel. The internet can be good for that - webcomics (or a weakness of mine... shopping!).
Meanwhile, stick around, k? I've only just got talking to you, would be a shame to lose you now. You seem nice. Plus I see on your profile you're Australian, like me, so that's cool :P
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