I was both relieved and terrified and furious all at the same time. I remember it. Part of me wanted the diagnosis and confirmation that how I felt was as bad as I imagined, and I had suspected it for a while. But I remember my stomach falling when I heard it. I remember looking up bipolar online and seeing a couple words and slamming my laptop shut unable to read anymore.
And the "get enough exercise, keep a regular sleep routine, keep eating regularly" thing? That pissed me off so much. If you don't think about it it isn't as hard as it seems though. Most people end up doing that just out of habit.
I hated the meds. Those were hard to take. My parents had to bribe me to take lithium.
But yeah, I guess I accepted it eventually. It helps sometimes because it can help explain why you are feeling as bad as you do. And it helps me not beat myself up for acting like an idiot. Even if I half believe that my crazy manic episodes are due to bipolar and not to me just having a ****ed up personality it helps.
It helps explain things to people too. People understand the seriousness of the word so at least it is nice that it helps other people understand just how bad things can be.
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