There seem to be a lot of issues going on for you at the moment.
Is the main reason that you are afraid of getting help due to the fact that you have a family history of MH issues? Because I have found that they MH professionals find it useful to help you to know these sorts of things in the long term. I was always told by my family that I was the first to have MH issues, but found out in the last month that actually in the 3 generations of my family on the female side (mum and her sister, my mum's mum and her mum) have all had mental health issues. Which would have been helpful earlier on in my treatment.
Is there any other form of support/counselling that you can access to help you, because it really does sound like you could use the support right now.
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