Nobody understands me. Nobody gets my pain. I'm just so alone in this cruel world and I don't know how much longer I can last. Everyone around me just seems so miserable too lately and it makes me feel worse about this world. I don't know that I'll ever be able to function as a human being in this world.
My mom wants me to wait til February before I start therapy. She sort of wants me to wait it out. Part of me is glad because I'm not sure if I'm ready but the other part of me thinks I need help. As I've mentioned before, I am SO anxious about even going into it as I've had nothing but bad experiences in the past and I also wonder if I'm putting too much pressure on someone I don't know to "fix" me. Honestly, I'm starting to even hate my repetitive posts on this thread. God, I can't stand myself sometimes.
I at least hope someone in this thread can understand why I just feel like wanting to escape and end the pain. No one in my "real life" seems to get it. This was supposed to be the year I made my life better and got a girlfriend DAMNIT! But, no, so far it's just the same old shit and I find myself feeling even worse.
I hate being alone! I even hate being alive sometimes!
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