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running out of options
I havnt posted in forever
But I cant get my head straight so thought it might be worth a try.
for so long, I spent all my time hating myself.
I tried to hard to die.
Then I decided to give living a chance
and I loved it.
There is so much to live for, so much to see and do and learn.
I have so many goals.
But, I am sick and I am running out of options.
For the past 3 years, I have been having surgery every month.
I am only in hospital for 3 days but it takes about 2 weeks to recover.
every 8 months or so I go for a big surgery, that leaves me in ICU followed by a month in hospital.
It is to help me breathe, but the surgery is getting less and less effective.
My body is putting its foot down now, so there will be no more big surgeries.
This is as good as it gets.
I can barley make it up a flight of stairs right now, never mind explore the world.
There are no other options.
I dont know how things will progress from here.
I hope something changes, but I have hoped that for far to long.
I dont know what to say or do from here on.
I always depend on hope and silver lining, but right now, I seem to have lost that.
I am empty.
And I have a feeling this is going to hit me hard soon.
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