Well, the meeting is over. I'm so frigging exhausted though. I don't get how life can exhaust me like this. Bah.
Anyway, it wasn't as negative as I thought it might be. I explained how I thought I was ready to go back to work and how my GP/Psych didn't think I should be off any longer. I explained about the money situation and how being home all the time was making things worse. How I wanted some form of structure and purpose to my life again - it'd make me feel better. They really did actually seem to listen to me. They said they'd been looking at if there were any alternative roles within the company I would consider - but they're all at the other offices where I don't know anyone. I think it'd be a better the devil you know kind of situation. I think it'd make going back worse if I have to face new people and a new role to learn.
Anyway, my manager (N) said she'd give me a week to look over the different roles and see if there's any I'd like to look into. I can ring her in the week if I have questions though. So, she's gonna call on Friday to see how things are. In the mean time the director of HR (L) gave me a form I need to fill out and post back to her giving her permission to write to my GP and Psych to ask their opinion on my mental state/stability. So, I'm gonna talk to both of them properly on Monday at my appointments about whether they do still agree that I should be back at work - after my recent hospital visit. Then I can fill in the form and send it in to her. She's gonna write to my OT and see what she says about it.
Then they've (L and N) asked if I will go back in for a meeting with them on the 17th to see where we are with things and how things are going with me.
So, all in all, I guess it was pretty positive.
When we'd finished in the meeting (N) asked if I'd go into the contact centre because people have been asking after me, and knew I was coming in today so I said yes. There's something I've realised that's never really hit me before - I have been spending the last God knows how long feeling so damn lonely but today I didn't - I talked honestly about how I was doing and what had been happening with me recently and everyone was REALLY supportive. They were all telling me how much they missed me and how much they wanted me to come back. They were even organising to meet up with me at lunch one day to catch up. So, being off work HAS made me feel worse because it's made me feel so damn alone all the time - all day every day...but if I was at work I'd see these people care about me and want me to get better. So, maybe that's something I need to say to L and N and my OT. Also, something to mention to my GP/Psych.
L also said that if or when it came to the point where I'm ready to return to work it will not be a kind of throw me into the deep end thing - it would always be phased and as quick or as slow as I want/need it to be; so I guess that's a weight off my mind because I was worried how it would go.
I kind of felt like today was...not a good day...but not a bad day either.
Blah. I'm still exhausted though.
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