Thank you guys. Roiben, realistically I know that now, I guess I just didn't want to believe there was anything wrong with me :\
I feel more settled, the crisis team came yesterday after the EIS asked them to monitor me (scared this will mean they think I need hospital maybe) & they gave me zopiclone so i've had some rest (not sure regular psychiatrist will be too impressed by them overriding him with more medication changes, but ah well) My thoughts are still horrible & rushing but at least I can sit still for a bit longer & my concentration has improved enough that I managed to read two pages of a book last night and write a blog post...I'm also trying to CBT my negative thoughts so this is good I guess, and I can appear happier/make myself look presentable so I guess that's a good sign, if even my psychologist noticed. It's like one minute I'm happy, feel bubbly and talkative, but then the obsessional thoughts kick in & I feel irritable and snappy. Have managed not to self-harm, scared myself way too much with the last one & know if I do it again they'll probably put me in hospital, which is enough to stop me for now. Still talking nonsense but less so. Don't feel suicidal, although have constant suicidal thoughts. There's a difference.
Sorry I'm so ranty, I have so much to say :|
Weirdly the 150mg drop in venlafaxine hasn't had any horrible effects, and I heard this was a HORRIBLE drug to come off. I feel lucky. Starting Topiramate in the new year I believe, has anyone used it? x
|