I agree about having someone with you when you read notes. But from a personal perspective I've seen a lot of people get there medical notes and then be seriously upset by them. In fact I've never seen someone be helped by them, so please be cautious if you go down that route. And from what you described it sounds like the notes may be seriously triggering and perhaps a last alternative.
Can you discuss this with your CPN? You can get their perspective of what happened, work through your memories and try to piece things together.
I know that when I went through a traumatic experience in hospital, I spent a long time reliving the memories. I wrote a lot down in a journal to try and get it out of my head, because having the memories stuck in there was hurting.
So yes, writing down things I think is a good start. You could write it down and then maybe share it with your CPN?
I'm sorry to hear you were so low. Please don't underestimate how this has affected you, make sure you speak to your CPN about it as it sounds like it was quite traumatic. Writing it down (how you're feeling) may also help to validate the pain too. As much as it hurts, if you acknowledge it in a safe way, it may help you process it and be able to move on when you're ready.
I'm glad you're doing better now, and gosh, I'm glad you lived and made it through. That must have taken a lot of courage and strength, and I commend you for it.
xx
(Also - grounding exercises and trying to live in the present, focusing on specific things around you etc can help when you feel a memory, or a flashback, etc come on. Here's a
link with just some suggestions.)
It gets better with time. Don't give up. And focus on the good you're doing now, too. You're not in that same place any more. x