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TRIGGERS
LONG RANT
I JUST NEED TO GET THIS OUT
"Triggers physical abuse Self Injury suicide "
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Im sick and tired of this life,
its only because of some special friends from ryl, i have that im still here now,
two of those friends were there for me
i nearly snapped this morningg .................i so wanted to
my rage was erupting and i could feel myself loosing control
minute by minute and i would have done something stupid
i give and give and give because i care so much and when im tired and want to go...oh no you cant go youve got to stay hell i might be dead if you go , they say what do i care...............
i say i dont need to hear that from you
ive spent 2 hours caring for you and you say that
for f*cks sake ive been with you for
like 2 hours im tired , ive cared for others today today, and all you do is say where am i going
i know your in the middle of it
im sick of it i am sick of being drained and allways expected to be there for you
well the hell no more im not going there again it wont happen again
im going to care for myself and those few people i really care abuot
im gonna be like a ghost
If it wasnt for 2 amazing friends who know who they are,
i owe you so much so much you dont know what it meant that you were there through Msn
you both were there for me
there for me and kept me stable i so wanted to loose it and give up
ryl is keeping me alive and im greatfull,but im sick of this battle sick of it
so tired so tired
leave me alone stay the hell away from me PAIN stop torturing me i keep running but you keep appearing no matter where i go
arhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hhhhhhh
arhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
oh god just let me scream............and scream.....and screammmmmmmmm
i want to scream my pain out of my body out of my mind
let me escape my crap please............please.....................
im tired of trying to live with the past and what ive seen and heard
and what was done to you and you did to me.................how could you.................how...the hell could you
stop it leave me alone for gods sake stop attacking me
stop killing me with your words.. ...they tear into me cant and im screaming
so loud but you cant hear me....no one hears me........no one
just get it over with right now let me go pleaseeeee
give me the final blow let your killer words strangle me
let the ground swallow me up for good
i cant bare this ...is too much every circuit in my body is abaout to blow
i dont want to live through this i ................cant take it its to much
each time you hurt yourself or me its like im trapped in this
recurring knightmare where i see you risking your life
or risking mine over and over and overe....
and im frozen and cant move
i never know if your
gonna live or die.....stop putting me through this
i cant ........i.....cant cope with this its killing .......me
each time its u risking your life and me battling to save you and me,
and i cant bare it....hell you disapeared and i never f*cking knew if u were alive or dead....id go to the beach and search like f*ck looking for you
id search the beach and id look out to sea is she dead floating or is she alive where the hell are .........................................you
explode....explode...........explode............i need to explode
there were so many times so many things you did to yourself
no..........no.......... i stand there frozen
while you throw yourself into deaths arms will he keep hold or will you break free...will you want to break free
i could see it .............in your ..........eyes........you wanted death
to hold you and never let you go
**** i have toi be carefull what i say here
what you were doing was
killing me you threw yourself into danger and i kept trying to save you
i cant bare that anymore i was being tortured each time youd do it
oh god so many dangerous things i tried to stop you hurting yourself
over and over you just never cared it was killing me the pain inside
was crushing me from inside out crippling me
Its still inside me the pain how do i rip it out
its
im getting tired now.......................tired
so much stuff.............so much...............................
i want to hold on...and i i want to be free
there are some great friends here at ryl who are there for me
i must hold on and keep going
im tired and weary
so many words but i cant write anymore
let me hide from the world and cover myself in darkness
how can you do this to me..........im terrified of finding your
body..................................
i HATE YOU.....I HATE YOU YOU B*STARD FOR WHAT YOU DID TO HER
DIE...................DIE........................D IE...DONT LET ME SEE YOU
i hate you my love .........i hate you my love.........i hate you my love
you were killing me from inside out every minute evry hour every day
how the hell can anyone go through this and survive
I DONT WANT TO SURVIVE i dont let me ......................................go
why arnt i exploding...falling apart let me go.......
I CANT BARE TO SEE YOU TORTURE YOURSELF
i cant face seing you risk living or dying anymore
its crippling me its cracking my mind
i didnt want to know what one person could do to another
i didnt i didnt dont .......i .. cant bare it what your telling is killing me
its taring me apart inside piece by piece you b*stard how could you
do that to someone i loved i hate you i hate you
i want to hurt you so badly you bas*ard .......dont let me see
you as i want to kill you and make you pay
i dont think id be here god i wan
everything just boiled over and i felt my anger rising like a volcanoe
i was ready to do something stupid to let go give go crazy
i cant get hurt like this anymore its to f***cking much pain leave me alone you attack me from every angle no matter where i turn your f*cking there
i just cant take it anymore i care a hell of a lot about people but thats a f*cking downfall in me im such a stupid bast*ard i keep giving too much and im sick of it im not doin
I WANT TO GET THROUGH THIS RYL IS HERE AND I WANT TO GET PAST THIS?
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