Just a quick thought - I know you say traditional talking therapies aren't for you but just wanted to share - When I first went to my local MH clinic they told me about 'group therapy' .... I was horrified, there was NO WAY I was going to sit with a bunch of strangers and talk about my deepest darkest thoughts. They talked me into attending one and it was the best thing I could've done. I didn't say anything for a few sessions at first, but to be around people who understood (although we all had different 'issues') was such a relief.
That's why I suggested popping into a local clinic, or local mind or rethink place. Not necessarily to talk to someone, just to be around similar people who won't care whether you cry/shout/say nothing at all.
*hugs*
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