I think if I try to attend my appointment without alcohol I will retch and be sick and then if I manage to leave the front door I would freeze and panic half way there with nobody to help me. It's like a massive fear I have, leaving my house and getting stuck half way and having a panic attack.
I know I need to kick the habit because I don't think my CPN does take me seriously, she said she isn't going to bother to get to know me until I can turn up sober because there's no point in getting to know a drunk person.
I'm also very quiet and shy and I find it extremely hard to talk to people, when my CPN used to visit me at my house I was sober and I barely said a word to her, it was embarassing, I just clammed up. I feel like when I have the alcohol I can at least express myself and speak to her, I feel like if I went and didn't and speak it would be a complete waste of time.
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