[bleedingdragon]

Xyon mate its good to see you i will shout you soon
and i will reply to your post Amy thank you for your support

i need to rant



triggering suicide physical abuse self injury


" suicide" "Triggers" "Physical abuse" "Self Injury"
RANT

please do not read if you are easily triggered
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So many of us are hurting so much, and all i want to do is reach out and help, give comfort, and friendship to those who struggle because there is still apart of me thats alive inside that cares for others, something you couldnt destroy my love it kept me alive, im greatfull it kept me alive/and i hate it for tormenting me as i wanted to snap and escape the torture but it kept me alive...im holding onto that part hoping it will pull me through
.......and caring for others at ryl keeps me going


Where am i going who knows.................
i feel like ive been on this journey forever.....as if ive lived many lifetimes and im tired ive been trapped here for so long ............ive wanted to stop my journey many times
.............i wasnt given a choice......i have faced too many horrific experiences..........my scars run deep into my soul will they ever heal
.................................................. .........................................
how can one human being treat another like that...........................
..what ive heard,seen ,lived through has torn me apart piece by piece
.................................................. ............................................
my mind has been chipped away piece by piece i feel its hanging on the edge............why did i have to survive this.....................................
..i was ready to face the Darkness many times...i looked into its face
often enough.......but was denied the escape.............................
i was so strong.......i believed love can concour all .........................
.....how wrong i was .........

she chipped away at my mind, my strength, my soul piece by piece
........intent on destroying me......how could my love

i loved you with all my heart and soul i gave you everything
.....believing you would overcome your past,
so we could be together and share our lives..........................

i stayed with you giving
you so many chances........................................... ..............
.................................................. ....................................
what did you do but hurt me soo deeply you tore into my heart
you chipped away at my mind, you kept on pushing and pushing
and attacking and attacking, only to pull me close and hold me
and tell me everything was going to be alright, you would change

.................................................. ...................................
i gave you so much of myself and you tortured me over and over again
you pushed me day in day out to hurt you to attack you
.................................................. .................................
SCREAM.....how could you do that to me...............................
you hurt me so deeply....you pushed me to almost cross the line
..............i was so close to snapping i was gonna hit you
screams......cries...........cries................ ...........
how could you do that to me ....how
i was going to hit you but i didnt ...i didnt....ididnt........
i stopped myself from hurting you
i never hit back..................you hit me over and over
taunting me.....why .....why ...why...........cries....cries
i couldnt have lived with myself if i hit you i would rather be deAD


.............................................CRIES ................................
you played with your life over and over, i never knew if you would live or die.....................................im falling apart help me please.............

SCREAMS FOREVER........................................... ..................
I HATE YOU I HATE YOU FOR PUSHING ME SO CLOSE to going mad


i stood there while you attacked me, all i could do was
sheild myself while you ripped into me....cries
how could you do that to me how i will never understand
all i ever did in defence was try and hold your wrists, what else was i to do..........................cries forever........................................... ........
you hurt me so much didnt you ,,,no wonder i nearly went mad nearly
loosing my mind.............................................. .........................
you killed me inside ................
there is a part of me thats dead.............................................. ......
you wouldnt leave me alone would you you kept hitting me
.................................................. ...........................................
oh my god what would i be if id hit you like you wanted me to
i cant bare it .................................................. ..................

i couldnt take it anymore you drove me to leave you and i did
.....................i didnt want to..but you pushed me to it



..............i still cant escape what you did to yoursf and to me
someone wipe my mind please
leave me alone .................................................. ............

i want to live and i want to escape you and my bully
i deserve
to escape........ryl is helping me , they support me and care about me
i care about them



Dave