im so sorry you're in so much pain. i was physically ill for a few months early in highschool, and i know how demoralizing it can be.
are there ways that you can still interact with friends? one of the things i found most difficult was that the physical problems left me really isolated, which magnified the feelings of loneliness, fear, anxiety, boredom... you could even go through the internet and use video chat on skype or something if getting out is too much
do your doctors understand how much pain you are in right now? i would tell them about how you're feeling (physically and mentally), like the part that you want to stab yourself to sever your spinal cord... they may be able to speed things up somehow
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