I understand the shame, anger, hopelessness and the pain. Are you getting support now for what you've been through?
I also endured quite severe protracted bullying, from when I was 6 to 17. The physical side of it was more assaulative in the violating sense rather than physical abuse as such, but it has still left it's mark.
I pretty much dissociated off the effects for a couple of decades, but am now really getting the help I need to start to repair some of the damage bit by bit.
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