Welcome back, I guess - but sorry you're having such a bad time. (I relate a lot to what you describe about long term depression by the way.)
Mental health is the right forum for this post. (I'm not sure if it's changed since you were here - you might look at "veterans" too, which is all adults, but much slower moving.)
My comments may not be that helpful, but I just wanted to let you know I've read + care.
Your last therapist doesn't seem to have understand depression too well - given how common covering it up is?
Try not to assume you will fall into the same state you experienced years ago. You are in a different place in your life now. You have made some major achievements in learning good coping methods, stopping self-harm and massively reducing the effects of panic/anxiety. Even if it feels internally chaotic right now that learning is still within you.
I hope you can find a way to cope with the nightmares soon as that sounds like one of the worst aspects. xx
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