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worriedson · 29-08-2011, 01:30 AM

I Suffer horribly from OCD and i have insidous intrusive thoughts at times which cause me a great deal of torment ,watching adult porn on a here and there basis can at times make it worse a lot.

I was sufring google looikng at stuff about ocd and i found this from a ocd forum way back in 2004, i have sympathy and understand for that og poster i could have written his post my self

http://www.stuckinadoorway.org/forum...ead.php?t=1045

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#1
12-22-2004, 06:25 PM
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the cycle continues.....
Hello everyone...how are you all doing?? I will admit it's been hard lately.. There's just been all these drama and stuff going on with work that is totally rediculous, and is causing me much anxiety and grief.. I keep worrying about it, and obviously it triggers my OCD even more...Last night, I was online and I was talking to a co worker and I was just getting upset and frustrated with the conversation I thought I was gonna have a nervous breakdown...Like i have mentioned in previous posts, I know I have expressed that in the past when I am already feeling low and upset and depressed I tend to look at pornography as an escape from reality..It almost works as a source of instant gratification.. I know obviously this isn't the best thing to do, and I understand and acknowledge this fact,and I don't want to view pornography anymore.. The feeling after watching pornography is that of guilt, shame, embarrassment, and I suffer from even lower self esteem...So anyway, when I was online and i was totally stressed out with this whole situation I was tempted to look at pornography and I looked at a website, but then ultimately I decided that I was stronger than my temptation and I just got off the computer.. Occassionally in the past I would order or watch pornography on the internet maybe twice a month as a way to escape from reality, and I was always uncomfortable after watching it.. I felt like i was this dirty and perverted person, and I was just bad.. Then i started thinking WHAT IF I WAS ADDICTED TO PORNOGRAPHY??? I always feel so guilty after viewing such material and I have to always confess to someone that I watched such material.. I know to some people this whole issue might seem a bit absurd, but it is an issue I deal with.. My OCD makes me think that I am this bad person, and the consequences of watching pornography even make my OCD worse..thoughts like WHAT IF I LOOKED AT CHILD PORNOGRAPHY..WHAT IF I VIDEOTAPED MYSELF MOLESTING A CHILD AND POSTED It ON THE INTERNET..WHAT IF I VIDEOTAPED MYSELF DOING SOMETHING OBSCENE AND VIDEOTAPED IT ON THE INTERNET...WHAT IF I WAS IN A SEX VIDEO WHAT IF I WAS IN A PORNOGRAPHY VIDEO.WHAT IF I POSTED A PICTURE OF MYSELF NUDE ON THE INTERNET.and the thoughts continue until one could barely think anymore! I keep telling myself I am a 22 year old male, and sex is obviously something that 22 year olds think about. I am a virgin and have never been intimate with anyone, because I am waiting for the right person to come along, and to have this OCD thoughts of me in all this sexual situations tears and makes me so nervous and makes me believe i do not know who I am... I always feel i have to explain why I would look at pornography and confess my reasons for watching it.. But I am slowly begininning to realize that I don't have to explain to anyone my reasons.. OCD is hard to deal with because it questions yourself and who you are, and it makes you constantly doubt yourself.. But i am going to be strong! We will make it through the rain!

#2
12-23-2004, 02:37 PM
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I don't think you're addicted to porn. If you were, you probably wouldn't be telling anybody, even on the internet. You would be too in denial to admit it. If you were addicted, you would be doing it 24-7, not twice a month. It's definitely OCD thoughts about the children porn. It's just your OCD imagination running away with you. I think we tend to blow our littlest insecurities out of proportion for some reason. We OCDers think, think, think and think again and totally take our one little fear and stretch it out in our minds as far as we can, just to see how much it can freak us out. Non-OCDers just let the thought go right away. We dwell on it because of our anxiety. Yes, men love to see naked women. It's a fact of life. My husband loves Pamela Anderson, Carmen Electra, Anna Kournikova, and other hotties, but I know he's just being a "man". I used to be jealous but I got over it. Don't worry NoWorries. Have a Merry Christmas!

#3
12-23-2004, 06:42 PM
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Thank you so much for your advice and help texas OCDER i really appreciate your comments and you taking the time to read my thoughts.. Its very helpful to me... Being that i know in addition to OCD, i have a major issue with sex... I have never been sexual active, I don't talk about sex with friends, and while growing up I have always percieved it as "bad and dirty" even though I know it is not.. sometimes I just wish I didn't think about sex at all..I know by repressing a certain emotion it emerges in an subconscious sense, and I think thats maybe why i look at pornography and have all these horrible OCD thoughts about sex...Because I repress it so much, i can't help but think of it...But thank you very very much for reading my post..You don't know how much it means to me for someone to listen Thank you! Have a happy holiday as well!
Crazy thoughts like... WHAT IF i MOLESTED A CHILD, WHAT IF I MADE A PORN VIDEO, WHAT IF i DID SOME OBSCENE SEXUAL ACT..and the list continuesby not , so much i turn to pornography and have thoughts instead

#4
01-15-2005, 03:18 AM
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Posts: n/a

Sexual arousal is something chemical happening in the brain. The Brain is rewarded with Dopamine or whatever, and it will seek to replicate the trigger experience. If this is being addicted to porn (or addicted to gratification with a partner, or staright masterbating to nothing - whatever is giving you the rush) then you are probably addicted and so is almost everyone else in the world. But not to some stange or wrongtious degree. The chemicals produced when one is ashamed can be addictive, too. I think that's part of what's going on, and why many people keep re-triggering these emotions. Practice, therapy, self-love and patience can help to break the cycle.

"

29-08-2011, 01:30 AM	#1
worriedson Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: Earth	OCD (may contain triggers)Intrusive Thoughts. I Suffer horribly from OCD and i have insidous intrusive thoughts at times which cause me a great deal of torment ,watching adult porn on a here and there basis can at times make it worse a lot. I was sufring google looikng at stuff about ocd and i found this from a ocd forum way back in 2004, i have sympathy and understand for that og poster i could have written his post my self http://www.stuckinadoorway.org/forum...ead.php?t=1045 " Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes #1 12-22-2004, 06:25 PM Guest Posts: n/a the cycle continues..... Hello everyone...how are you all doing?? I will admit it's been hard lately.. There's just been all these drama and stuff going on with work that is totally rediculous, and is causing me much anxiety and grief.. I keep worrying about it, and obviously it triggers my OCD even more...Last night, I was online and I was talking to a co worker and I was just getting upset and frustrated with the conversation I thought I was gonna have a nervous breakdown...Like i have mentioned in previous posts, I know I have expressed that in the past when I am already feeling low and upset and depressed I tend to look at pornography as an escape from reality..It almost works as a source of instant gratification.. I know obviously this isn't the best thing to do, and I understand and acknowledge this fact,and I don't want to view pornography anymore.. The feeling after watching pornography is that of guilt, shame, embarrassment, and I suffer from even lower self esteem...So anyway, when I was online and i was totally stressed out with this whole situation I was tempted to look at pornography and I looked at a website, but then ultimately I decided that I was stronger than my temptation and I just got off the computer.. Occassionally in the past I would order or watch pornography on the internet maybe twice a month as a way to escape from reality, and I was always uncomfortable after watching it.. I felt like i was this dirty and perverted person, and I was just bad.. Then i started thinking WHAT IF I WAS ADDICTED TO PORNOGRAPHY??? I always feel so guilty after viewing such material and I have to always confess to someone that I watched such material.. I know to some people this whole issue might seem a bit absurd, but it is an issue I deal with.. My OCD makes me think that I am this bad person, and the consequences of watching pornography even make my OCD worse..thoughts like WHAT IF I LOOKED AT CHILD PORNOGRAPHY..WHAT IF I VIDEOTAPED MYSELF MOLESTING A CHILD AND POSTED It ON THE INTERNET..WHAT IF I VIDEOTAPED MYSELF DOING SOMETHING OBSCENE AND VIDEOTAPED IT ON THE INTERNET...WHAT IF I WAS IN A SEX VIDEO WHAT IF I WAS IN A PORNOGRAPHY VIDEO.WHAT IF I POSTED A PICTURE OF MYSELF NUDE ON THE INTERNET.and the thoughts continue until one could barely think anymore! I keep telling myself I am a 22 year old male, and sex is obviously something that 22 year olds think about. I am a virgin and have never been intimate with anyone, because I am waiting for the right person to come along, and to have this OCD thoughts of me in all this sexual situations tears and makes me so nervous and makes me believe i do not know who I am... I always feel i have to explain why I would look at pornography and confess my reasons for watching it.. But I am slowly begininning to realize that I don't have to explain to anyone my reasons.. OCD is hard to deal with because it questions yourself and who you are, and it makes you constantly doubt yourself.. But i am going to be strong! We will make it through the rain! #2 12-23-2004, 02:37 PM Guest Posts: n/a I don't think you're addicted to porn. If you were, you probably wouldn't be telling anybody, even on the internet. You would be too in denial to admit it. If you were addicted, you would be doing it 24-7, not twice a month. It's definitely OCD thoughts about the children porn. It's just your OCD imagination running away with you. I think we tend to blow our littlest insecurities out of proportion for some reason. We OCDers think, think, think and think again and totally take our one little fear and stretch it out in our minds as far as we can, just to see how much it can freak us out. Non-OCDers just let the thought go right away. We dwell on it because of our anxiety. Yes, men love to see naked women. It's a fact of life. My husband loves Pamela Anderson, Carmen Electra, Anna Kournikova, and other hotties, but I know he's just being a "man". I used to be jealous but I got over it. Don't worry NoWorries. Have a Merry Christmas! #3 12-23-2004, 06:42 PM Guest Posts: n/a Thank you so much for your advice and help texas OCDER i really appreciate your comments and you taking the time to read my thoughts.. Its very helpful to me... Being that i know in addition to OCD, i have a major issue with sex... I have never been sexual active, I don't talk about sex with friends, and while growing up I have always percieved it as "bad and dirty" even though I know it is not.. sometimes I just wish I didn't think about sex at all..I know by repressing a certain emotion it emerges in an subconscious sense, and I think thats maybe why i look at pornography and have all these horrible OCD thoughts about sex...Because I repress it so much, i can't help but think of it...But thank you very very much for reading my post..You don't know how much it means to me for someone to listen Thank you! Have a happy holiday as well! Crazy thoughts like... WHAT IF i MOLESTED A CHILD, WHAT IF I MADE A PORN VIDEO, WHAT IF i DID SOME OBSCENE SEXUAL ACT..and the list continuesby not , so much i turn to pornography and have thoughts instead #4 01-15-2005, 03:18 AM Guest Posts: n/a Sexual arousal is something chemical happening in the brain. The Brain is rewarded with Dopamine or whatever, and it will seek to replicate the trigger experience. If this is being addicted to porn (or addicted to gratification with a partner, or staright masterbating to nothing - whatever is giving you the rush) then you are probably addicted and so is almost everyone else in the world. But not to some stange or wrongtious degree. The chemicals produced when one is ashamed can be addictive, too. I think that's part of what's going on, and why many people keep re-triggering these emotions. Practice, therapy, self-love and patience can help to break the cycle. "
worriedson Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: Earth