Originally Posted by
Ndakuvara
The thought of starting uni was so exciting for me, new friends , being independent and finally leaving home but what I thought would be a good move has turned out to be the worst thing ive ever done. I like partying you see and ever since I was 14/15 I was the one out of my friends who would push the limit, if my friends got drunk, Id get paraletic and resulted in me getting in trouble with the police and putting my mother through hell,I thought I was impressing everyone by that but ended up realising I was increadibly stupid and I stopped the partying choosing instead to concentrate on my studies.
So Im 19 now , moved to uni in september 2010 to study biomedical sciences as being in the medical field has always been soemthing ive aspired to, I met some lovely people, generally my coursemates but also met the wrong people and started partying hard again, this tiem though there wasnt my mum to stop me so it kind of got out of control from september to december as thats when I went back home for christmas break. I would drink so much that for me vommiting was a part of a night out, I was spending so much money that it resulted in me failing to pay 2 months of my rent and my mother having to bail me out. I apologised and vowed to myself to not repeat the events of the first semester
However in the second semester things have got even worse and that is why I am writing on this forum, I started hanging around with this new guy who was a friend through a friend and started doing Ketamine, Drugs where something I had always and I mean ALWAYS despised but I just said to myself "ow he seems completley fine and cool and he does it" so basically I did it to impress him and be one of the cool kids. In my mind I said as long as it doesnt become a problem whats the harm, it slowly started becoming a weekly thing, cutting down my drinking and increasing the ketamine, a bouncer from one nightclub told the guys who I was hanging out with "this guy needs to sort himself out before hes allowed back in here", we all joked about it and carried on drinking and doing ketamine, I started hanging out with this guy more and more and joined his circle of friends, I slowly became introduced to other drugs mdma espcially, which I feel has ruined me completely. All in this mean time I was missing more and more uni and spending more money on drugs and booze...yet again my mum had to bail me out as I couldnt pay my rent again but still continued. I then ended up coming out as gay to my mum while high on drugs which is possibly the worst thing I have done as I wasnt really ready to tell her.
I now constantly go on binges of drug taking with these guys and I can see it ruining everything around me but I dont know how to stop, I might fail my first year of uni, I found out ive been fired from my part time job today because the last 2 weeks I didnt come in because I was with these guys on a major bender , my relationship with my mother feels like its been destroyed we where once so close but barely speak now, Im in debt and owe amounts to various people, Im late on my rent again....all this because of my selfishness, I've lost the things I thought I would never lose, which i took for granted and its with that I can say I have a problem.
I know feel so lost and find myself just using more and its starting to really mess with my head, I want to get my life back on track but feel like ive screwed everything up, Ive jsut been crying all day and dont know where to start, I want to call my mum and just apologise, tell her everything and ask for help but feel as if ive put her through so much, what do I do???
p.s so sorry about the insanely long post and if you do read it thank you