thank you... its much appreciated .. i know i've been in crisis... harmed more than i have in a long time..over a year probably..things have been somewhat messy...
saw the psych thursday..she was relatively useless as ever despite my desperate honesty and obvious frustration..and stupid angry tears at not being able to put whats in my head into words or ways she could understand...
i'm not functioning adequately.. my flat looks more like a squat at this time... i hate that too but i don't have the means to tackle it mentally or physically...not eating..not efficiently anyway..i'm not sure what that is about but have moved to living on milkshakes mainly...the odd tid bid here and there... if i can muster the ..something.. to try..
but my gp is being more helpful than he's ever been... back on meds..good meds... seem to be helping somewhat already ..to some extent at least.. though i don't really like the paperwork with them...what they're for... its all worse when you see it written down i suppose..but true i guess..at least to some extent...
i really don't want to be in this place... i was starting to build a life for myself...stupid imbalanced brain doesn't allow for such things and sends me into meltdown... i'd like it if i could cope the way most people seem to be able to...it seems elusive to me...nirvana perhaps...i'm not sure...
still i'm hoping i can fix myself.. somehow... i hate being so mentally dysfunctional...really hate it...
i hate injuring myself...i hate the darkness..i hate the intrusive nature of it all and the way it takes over somehow ..slyly..so i cant catch it before it hits crisis stage...
i really just want to be ok..
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