I'll reply properly when I can, but just wanted to say thank you for your replies, it really helps to know I'm not alone and not going (completely!) crazy.
I've been really, really up and and down all weekend. Back to work tomorrow, but I like my job, so it shouldnt be too awful provided I can get some focus.
RBT - realised from what you said that I try to avoid all thoughts of it, like if I allow the memories I'm 'allowing' the event to have happened. But you're right, when you fight the thoughts they just get stronger. I'm trying to let them surface.
You know what scares me? I lost almost every part of who I was, gave up beliefs moral values, in order to survive. So if I get better and move on... I'm losing my last connection to who I was. And I have no idea who I am now. Not sure if that makes sense but it frightens me.
|