Whenever I self harm I find that I am soothed and whilst the wounds are healing I tend not to self harm. However when my wounds have healed I feel like cutting again and creating new wounds.
I do feel that having open wounds help me to control my emotions better and I am a bit calmer and I don't think about cutting as much. Having healed wounds triggers me into thinking about cutting constantly and it tends to never leave me until I cut again.
You are not alone in feeling how you do. It is not unusual to get these feelings and it is actually quite a common feeling amongst self harmers.
I also find that when I am angry my self harm is more severe and I also find it hard to control the amount of damage that I do. I hate taking care of my wounds too which is why they get infected so much and I guess that that is another way of me self harming.
You are not alone honey.
Work through it in your therapy as you have been doing and it could really help you.
Love Liddy xx
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