I can really identify with this and it's something I'm currently struggling with. Since November, I've always had at least one injury in the process of healing, and when they are almost healed, I panic and burn or cut again.
You say that you feel rage that is overwhelming - do you know what the rage is about?
I would say for me, even thought I get frustrated with the limitations of having wounds (eg, dressings, hospital appointments), I also like the process of seeing them heal and how strazightforward the healing of wounds is compared to the healing of the mind. Also, the care I receive from health professionals who look after my injuries fills some of the gap from the lack of care in my life from others (family etc, who are not able to offer any care or support).
All I can say is that I'm working hard in therapy to understand the underlying reasons and the hope is that it will help me to break this destructive cycle. Are you having any kind of therapy? Maybe it's something to explore?
Hope you are able to find a way out of this.
|