Thanks i would only be withdrawing onto another medication but i agree that its not the right time to do so and that they should understand this. Im going to be undergoing an assessment of some form i think to figure out my true diagnosis as they all think it doesnt add up with my current diagnosis so they may want to wait until they've figured out what is wrong with any luck. Im scared of trying another medication.. because ive just started learning again open learning but i cant imagine me being able to do it the way i was say on olanzapine. The next drug id be trying would be apriprizole, i think at least my old doc said that. It sounds like a doctor should understand why i wouldnt want to withdraw until i've settled down im worried enough as it is... im so scared that im going back down.. i know im deteriorating but im trying to control it, my voices are hard fighting, i keep talking really loud because i just try to be heard over them. Its embaressing and im just jumping at the slightest thing, i cried because the cover of my chair fell off earlier, this made me scared before but this time i just cried. My face makes weird movements and my head seems to keep losing track, one minute my thoughts are there the next its a blank. Im trying to keep myself above water. I think i may write a little note to my doctor, i have very bad trust issues with doctors due to my last one (he was horrible i mean really horrible he messed me up mentally.. say manipulative and inconsiderate he made my skin crawl, he even freaked my dad out for no reason and my dad isnt very intuitive at all) So im really struggling with my current one due to the discharge letter they sent to her and just because im scared of doctors from my old one they have so much power my old one could have labelled me so many bad things because of some silly mistake due to memory problems etc he was rigid in opinion so im very worried that my doctor has negative opinions of me. So i cant verbally talk to her very much maybe i'll write her a note so she understands.
Also rather off topic you know when they write letters to gps etc, its twice ive seen in letters or a report and they've mentioned my dress i was listed as 'casual dress' does this mean they think im lazy in my choice of clothes, i try to appear normal in clothing but i really worry about how i appear i feel i look horrible in most of what i wear so its just whatever i feel doesnt make me look so bad. The othe rthing is she says i was incoherant alot of it... but i thought i was very coherant and understandable.. is it something we dont notice? I know i struggle when im being bothered but i thought i spoke well.. im ok with writing obviously as i can recorrect it will they mind it being typed. Sorry for writing on in this post. I will tell her thanks for saying im allowed to refuse or ask it to be postponed a little.
Thanks for the replies i hope you are both well x
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