[insidemyhead]

My prolactin levels are often high (i had mri there's nothing wrong with the pituatory gland) they were on prozac and on olanzapine and i've had my bloods done to see if they are again on my quetiapine i dont actually mind.. as i have no female times of the month and havent for over a year and thats fine by me. Im only asking because my pdoc said if its high we may have to change my medication.. im very concerned about this.. i am very unstable as it is right now, i have a lot of stressors in my every day life without my mental health and with both combined im practically climbing the walls. Im aware that my medication somewhat stabalises me i dont want to come off it just yet due to the stressors.. so for a month or so (my grandad is terminally ill and i have to go to london for a big family do for my dads mums 90th.. i am not good even in my little town and i've always dreaded my visits to my dads family, they take the mick out of me and we have nothing in common ive changed alot since they last saw me im very worried about this and because of the crowds of london.. its dangerous in my eyes) those are events and the rest of the things in my head is making me deteriorate anyway.

My main concern is when i last withdrew off my meds i became completely out of control.. i was in hospital at the time but i was repeatedly attempting suicide, self harming badly, trying to run and just impulsive and illogical it was a scary time for me that was when i wasnt unstable before they took me off my meds, i was quite calm they took me off for the prolactin levels and thats what happened and i feel it would be a double whammy as im already unstable and having meds taken off. Am i allowed to refuse my meds to be withdrawn whilst im so unsafe? I dont think it would be good for me.. Also i dont really want to change meds, they put me all the way up to the highest dose of olanzapine.. i was a zombie, my mind went, i lost my intelligence and motivation, i can think with the quetiapine im not up to my eyeballs drugged up.. my concern is a change of meds even though im being tortured would just be bad in itself.. i cant contain myself the way i am and if my meds were dropped it would probably be even worse.

I hope this makes sense in some way