im feeling depressed i think that may be the problem at the moment... im not always depressed im normally on edge, frightened and tired but right now im depressed, i hate that... its an unsettled feeling. The low life..
i went to my chiropractor appointment headed down the highstreet hill.. appointment around school time finishing and these horrible teenagers decided to push me over (they were hovering behind me/breathing down my neck and i panic in this scenario, i cant cope with people so close behind me and as i moved they moved with me and giggling) and then they go 'eurghhhh look at that, how disgusting' i didnt even know them and im probably a year or two older than them! I just dont understand that... no-one stopped them ofcourse. Also i was trying to cross a difficult road (only way of crossing it) and this man didnt indicate so he cut me off and i had to run back to the path and he gave me the finger.. he was the one in the wrong and he was old enough to not do that in a jokey way it was completely unneeded i wasnt rude to him, i got out the way.. i hate it when people do that. My mum is bad in the car and it bothers me there as well i just see no need it doesnt help matters. It stresses me out. I know that sounds stupid ive had much worse but i just didnt see why he did that.. it actually upset me out of confusion. But i think this is because i have nothing positive in my life right now it feels like everyone is negative against me. The one person i feel positive with and is nice to me is my chiropractor but they're becoming less now and i think not having that positiveness in my weeks is upsetting as well. Its a big headache. Its all negative and today i was just embarressed in my appointment with my care co.. i felt wretched but couldnt talk, and my old support worker is back.. which i dont really like.. she's very loud and pretty as well i feel very inadequate around her and shes not very helpful, the times ive been with her its her talking about herself which is fine with me as i dont think i could talk back to her. I get on well with older and gentle but firm women i kind of needed to talk today but couldnt because my support worker stayed the whole appointment.. she was meant to come at the end for a little bit. I felt really on the spot and felt they were annoyed with me but i think that was my head talking. Im really worried about the upcoming appointments to sort out my diagnosis im so worried that itll backfire, give me a bad diagnosis or they wont believe me. One plus is though i got my new library card and have reserved some textbooks for my course.. it took me alot to go and admit i lost my library card i thought theyd be annoyed and refuse to let me have a new one.
I just feel like i want to be alone for a little while ignore the world. But i have nowhere thats possible to do so. Sorry for posting this here i just wanted to write this down somewhere x
Hope you're all well
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