After a few days of feeling okay, today was black from the moment I woke up. I was supposed to meet friends, but I just couldn't face leaving the house. Even walking up the stairs was physically and mentally exhausting. I'm leaving my parents' house after the weekend after being here for ten days. Perhaps my unconscious self is panicky that I've to go back to 'normal'. I also got a stressful email from work. I just want to hide away under my duvet with my fingers blocking my ears. I really feel that I can't do this. I just don't have the energy for life. I don't want to hurt my family, but it feels like such a sacrifice just staying alive. That probably sounds really selfish. I'm a bitch. I know I am. But I can't keep at this bloody treadmill. What's the point? I want to hurt myself. I want to knock myself unconscious. I want this to be over. I feel like I'm grieving for something. I feel this general aura of devastation is hanging over me. I'm cried out. I'm exhausted. I can't do this.
Sorry for going on.
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