Thank you for your reply...youre right, maybe i am expecting too much. I think theres just a couple of things that i need help with prior to my family going on holiday...because i feel i should be going with them and im not because of my harming and the affect its had on my daughter...and ive been having thoughts of not being here when they get back because im not the mum i should be for them and i need help with my thoughts and feelings as theyre all jumbled up right now...if i need more sessions im sure my husband will say yes...I just feel guilty because it is alot of money to pay.
I am seeing my doctor before the appointment with the psych so hoepfully we can go through what i sent him. Im scared though as I now feel I went into too much detail and gave too much of myself away if that makes sense. And im scared he will tell me off for the things he didnt know about and will think that ive abused my meds and i havent, Ive been taking them properly...ive been using other things to od on....and im scared he will be angry about that because i didnt tell him....and maybe i just shouldnt have sent it and maybe i shouldnt send it to these people im seeing...I hate opening up and telling all....and is it what they want to see...will it do any good? Maybe they will think badly of me for the things ive done and that have happened Im so bloody confused and scared by it all...i iwsh none of it was happening, but then I do because i need this, my family need me to do this and i will do this.
I even googled the psych to see what she looked like...i go by faces, she looked kind and goes sailing and does fund raising...kind of stalkerish i know..
Im so nervous about today...have written too much
I thought they were going on tuesday, theyre not, its monday
sorry, anyway thankyou...and for the hugs x
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