I am impressed Rach! I never knew you had such super human, psychic powers of deduction!
NOBODY is bloody psychic and clicking a few buttons to set up an online account does not make you responsible for what happens in a relationship 10 years down the line. If your mum and step dad had had a beautiful child together would you be responsible or to thank for that? If they had 50 years of happy marriage, would that be because of your doing?
If you KNEW he was like that and that he would behave like this then yes, I could maybe see why you might be right in considering yourself partly responsible. Although even then simply clicking a couple of buttons would not make this situation totally your fault. Sometimes it is easier to make sense of complicated situations by putting the blame on yourself, by looking for some teeny tiny little detail that makes the whole thing you fault and because you are so used to doing that then it is easy to make that seem right.
IT IS NOT RIGHT THOUGH.
In some ways it is easier for you to believe it is and then mentally/emotionally/physically punish yourself for that because at least that is familiar, it is horrible but you are used to it and it makes sense.
Far harder is to accept that often things make no sense, they are confused, conveluted and complicated and there is nothing you can do about it. Unfortunately, more than not that is the truth.
What happened with your step dad was a mess, but not yours. If you choose to believe it is then so be it, it will not make your mum's pain, or yours or Keith's anxiety any less though. The only way to do that is for you to be strong and try and think logically.
*lots of hugs for all of you* xx
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