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JinX · 24-09-2007, 11:56 PM

Thankyou for your hugs and word.
circumstances are...i had a miscarriage earlier on in the year...i couldnt tell my family i was even pregnant at the time, they wouldnt have been supportive, i was too young to have a baby anyway, im 20 and just going into my final year at uni..i couldnt have coped. i was going to have a termination, although that was the last thing i wanted. i wanted to keep her, but knew i couldnt. but then i had a miscarriage instead...my doctor almost laughed and said 'well that makes things easier doesnt it?'. i had to spend several days in hospital over my birthday from severe blood loss from the miscarriage. when i was going to have the termination, i was told that i had to have counselling after it, but then when i had the miscarriage, no one said anything bout counselling...it was assumed that because i was not going to keep her, that i didnt want her, and so didnt need the counselling.
I spoke with the father of the baby a lot at the time, but its difficult to now...hes just a friend, it happened after a drunken night at christmas, and im not entirely sure where we stand with him anymore, hes in iraq at the moment too. i cant talk to my friends about it, they assume im over it, and didnt approve of the whole situation anyway, as the father of aimee was not my fiancee...this just makes me seem even worse of a person now. i told my fiancee that i was pregnant, but never told him it was his, he just assumed naturally. i cant talk about any of this to him, cos tbh he found it a relief that shes not with us today, as he wasnt ready for a baby yet, and is now in germany for a year. as i said, i cant talk to my friends about it, as they really disapproved of the situation...it wasnt like i planned it tho..it wasnt my fault..i dont remember a thing of that night. im not good at asking for help, it took me 5 years to pluck up the courage to see a dr about my depression, i didnt get on with my therapist, and i cant face asking to see a counsellor.

i guess it is all my fault...i should just get over myself and get help, but i cant, im too scared to. im just a bad person anyway, i guess this whole thing is just karma...

what more can i say?

24-09-2007, 11:56 PM	#3
JinX Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Stafford/Huddersfield I am currently:	Thankyou for your hugs and word. circumstances are...i had a miscarriage earlier on in the year...i couldnt tell my family i was even pregnant at the time, they wouldnt have been supportive, i was too young to have a baby anyway, im 20 and just going into my final year at uni..i couldnt have coped. i was going to have a termination, although that was the last thing i wanted. i wanted to keep her, but knew i couldnt. but then i had a miscarriage instead...my doctor almost laughed and said 'well that makes things easier doesnt it?'. i had to spend several days in hospital over my birthday from severe blood loss from the miscarriage. when i was going to have the termination, i was told that i had to have counselling after it, but then when i had the miscarriage, no one said anything bout counselling...it was assumed that because i was not going to keep her, that i didnt want her, and so didnt need the counselling. I spoke with the father of the baby a lot at the time, but its difficult to now...hes just a friend, it happened after a drunken night at christmas, and im not entirely sure where we stand with him anymore, hes in iraq at the moment too. i cant talk to my friends about it, they assume im over it, and didnt approve of the whole situation anyway, as the father of aimee was not my fiancee...this just makes me seem even worse of a person now. i told my fiancee that i was pregnant, but never told him it was his, he just assumed naturally. i cant talk about any of this to him, cos tbh he found it a relief that shes not with us today, as he wasnt ready for a baby yet, and is now in germany for a year. as i said, i cant talk to my friends about it, as they really disapproved of the situation...it wasnt like i planned it tho..it wasnt my fault..i dont remember a thing of that night. im not good at asking for help, it took me 5 years to pluck up the courage to see a dr about my depression, i didnt get on with my therapist, and i cant face asking to see a counsellor. i guess it is all my fault...i should just get over myself and get help, but i cant, im too scared to. im just a bad person anyway, i guess this whole thing is just karma... what more can i say?