Thanks for the advice... but I'm really against seeing therapists right now. I actually don't like talking to anyone about any of this... It makes me feel crazy and I know that no one in the world can understand exactly what it's like because no one is in my head except me. I guess it's not that I don't like how my mind works, it's what my mind thinks of that bothers me... it's hard to explain, but everything i think of are things that are real. It's not that I'm making up thoughts or my imagination is freaking me out. I can't control my thoughts because there's nothing else real to think about. I could try to suppress it with a lot of fantasy and lies, but I don't see the point in that.
Maybe I'm just too realistic. And knowing that I'm not making up these bad thoughts leads to everything else. Depression, anxiety, panic attacks, self injury, etc. etc. I wish I could pretend things are all awesome and block out the negative, but it doesn't work that way. But it's okay, I'll live.
Thanks again. I appreciate the replies though I may not be around here very long. Talking about all of this makes me feel even more crazy and that's probably not a good thing at the moment... Sorry, my perpetual confusion is getting in the way.
Take Care,
Jamie
|