I'm afraid I've Fd everything up. I can't go swimming for a while. My family will probably catch on. We have a pool. I saw my doctor and my therapist today. The doctor was an idiot but I was pretty honest with my therapist. She's really scared. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm going to lose my job (I work on a psych unit) I'm going to get kicked out of the social work program at school. At this point I'm just digging my own grave. I'm so screwed. I feel like I'm too far gone. I haven't been this sick in seven years. I don't think much is holding me back from going all the way. Just my one friend. She has been so kind to me and I don't want to hurt her. I am nearing the bottom of the bottle of lithium. Clock is ticking
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