[singxsilently]

I'm so sorry for not responding to many posts, mostly just giving hugs... I'd love to help, but lately there's been so much going on :/
I'm so scared of me now... I know too many ways of suicide, both painless and painful, quick or slow, and I feel so tempted to try them.. Everything said to me, like "A penguin gives you a fish" when I asked my friend to distract me, I manage to twist all those into morbid thoughts and death scenarios. I hate being awake, but when I'm asleep I'm so sick of how vivid and nightmarish my dreams are now... I don't know what to do, I want to kill myself just to stop all this...
I want to die slowly so I can feel my life slowly slipping away, and die, and leave this world... if there's no afterlife then I'll finally be able to walk away from myself like so many people did, if Heaven/Hell exists then I guess I'll be in Hell... if this isn't hell yet, I'm scared to even imagine hell, but if I end up there I know I deserve the pain anyway.. >.<